Its Important Not To Give A Fuck!!

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Let me just start by saying that not giving a fuck isn’t going to happen over night! I know because I was one of those people that wanted everyone to like me. I literally wanted everyone not to pass judgement on me until they got to know me, deeply! I wanted validation, attention and to be accepted by everyone and anyone. Realistically thats something thats never (yes, NEVER) going to happen in the real world. The truth is that most if not all people judge. Those critical yet minuscule initial 30 seconds of meeting someone for the first time could be the make or break of that relationship. Anything from one little conflicting view to a joke you find funny can determine if you’ll be accepted or not. My message to you though is to not to give a shit!!!

Acceptance and rejection was a big deal to me. I’d experienced both and I knew I preferred the feeling acceptance gave me over rejection, just like anyone else. I would often try so hard to make friends, I’d try to be really funny or loud or sometimes I’d be really quiet so I wouldn’t have to say or do anything wrong. I’d often get really upset over people getting the wrong impression of me. I’d also very often be consumed with anxiety that had me always second guessing myself and I’d be sat constantly worrying, my mind full of doubts and fear that I wasn’t fun enough or cool enough for people to like me. Imagine having all of that spiralling inside your head when you’re trying to relax! I was so transfixed on it all that I couldn’t have fun and I certainly couldn’t ever clear my mind.

I won’t lie to you, I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to change my thought process it took some work. My husband is and has always been very supportive, he could see how consumed I was. He put up with the troubled, worried and often sad person it had made me. He’d often tell me not to care what others thought of me to which I’d totally refuse to accept because it just wasn’t an option. After more failed friendships I finally started sifting through my thoughts & gained control of them. I began to get a clearer picture of what I was so afraid of, who I really was and where those feelings originated from. Without going into to much information I had experienced what my mind processed as serious rejection on more than one occasion, I therefore assumed it was to do with me; there was something wrong with me and only me. I realised that sort of thought process was really unhealthy and actually not at all true! One of the reasons I started this blog was to encourage myself to stay positive and remain on a happier, healthier path than the crappy negative one I just crossed over from. This blog has had a big part to play in my new found confidence.

I can now accept that not everyone will like me and vise versa, I can’t please everyone & to be honest I don’t want to. Unfortunately there really isn’t much you can do to win the hearts of everyone you meet. Stop worrying and trying so hard. Seriously, STOP!

I no longer have the energy to give too many shits anymore, I care more about what my children think of me than anyone else in the world. I’m a much happier person now and I definitely don’t get quite so anxious either.

Plus its always good to remind yourself that its their loss if they don’t like you anyway! Haha.

Here are 3 simple steps to get you started!

1. Try to find the source of the problem. Think back to times you could have experienced rejection and come to terms with them. Remember not to blame yourself but also accept that what happened is now in the past, you can’t go back in time to change them. It is what it is.

2. Focus on yourself. Figure out what you’re interested in, what you want to work towards and what makes you happy. Focus on keeping a positive mind and prioritise yourself without outside influences.

3. Once you’re more comfortable and confident in yourself you’ll start to care a lot less about what others think. Stay confident, be fierce & remember in a world where you can be anyone you want to be, why not just be yourself?

xox

69 Comments

  1. Galina V August 15, 2016 / 4:09 pm

    You can’t change the past, bu forgiving yourself for any past mistakes is the next step to confidence.

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 5:01 pm

      Absolutely, forgiving yourself and remembering its in the past is a huge part to play in this!

  2. LaaLaa August 15, 2016 / 5:48 pm

    Some excellent points, alot of us especially while younger get into the pattern of validation from others. We would all like to be favoured and liked by others but it’s not the real world and coming to terms isn’t easy like you said but it’s important to get there x

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 5:49 pm

      Oh so true! I feel like my teen years had a massive part in all of this!

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 6:16 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it, hope it can help you! Xox

  3. Sam |North East Family Fun August 15, 2016 / 6:44 pm

    Fantastic advice – We should all try to focus less on what others think (or we perceive them to think) x

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 6:49 pm

      Agreed! Just relax and be yourself 🙂

  4. Rachel Shawcross August 15, 2016 / 6:49 pm

    Totally agree with you, my motto is take me as I am or not at all x

  5. Life as Mum August 15, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    Fantastic tips! really need to think this when i am stressed

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 7:30 pm

      Awwh thank you! Glad you enjoyed the read!

  6. Ana De Jesus August 15, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    I tried tweeting this but it wouldn’t let me so I am going to try again. I used to care what people thought of me and wished that everyone could like me but now I couldn’t give a fuck. Well said.

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 9:20 pm

      Haha I’m so glad you’re with me! Ooo whats your twitter handle? Thank you!! Xox

  7. Olivia Thristan August 15, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    This post made me feel so empowered, I wish I could feel this way; sounds amazinngggg! x

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 9:43 pm

      This comment just made it all worth it!! Girl you are strong and you can feel this way too if you get in the right mind set 🙂

  8. Liz Mays August 15, 2016 / 10:07 pm

    I think this is a great perspective. I like your strategies! You definitely can’t appeal to every single person.

    • cheskaaanels August 15, 2016 / 10:33 pm

      Exactly! Shane we have to learn the hard way but at least now I don’t feel anxious anymore!

  9. Rhian Westbury August 15, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    What a great post, sometimes I have to tell myself to not worry about others and being a bit selfish x

  10. WhatLauraLoves August 16, 2016 / 12:26 am

    I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed to read this as a reminder right now. I usually don’t care less but sometimes slip up and today was one of those days xxx

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 7:12 am

      Awwh I’m glad this helped though! Hope you’re feeling better and have a much better day today! Honestly everything I said is true, really don’t care what other think and you’ll feel so much happier and relieved!

  11. annalisanuttall August 16, 2016 / 10:03 am

    Totally agreed on this post, as other have said – look to the future not the past. xx

    http://www.annanuttall.com

  12. Jessica August 16, 2016 / 10:40 am

    Girl, it’s like you wrote this post especially for me! This is so something I needed to read right now and I’m so glad I did. Of course you’ve made some very valid points and now I just need to work on it! Thank you for sharing!

    Jessica
    Foodandbaker.co.uk

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 11:08 am

      Awwwh Jess I’m glad it appealed to you and you enjoyed the read! Don’t let people get to you, enjoy being youself without worrying about others! You’re awesome already 😘 xox

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 11:11 am

      Awwwh babe I’m glad this appealed to you! Remember never try to please anyone, be yourself without worrying about anyone else! You’re awesome already anyway!! Xoxox

  13. Anosa August 16, 2016 / 11:23 am

    I think everyone struggles with this at some point in their life. I have found that the older I get the less I care about other peoples opinions and focus more on my own happiness. I still have my moments of course but not as bad as I used to be

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Yeah I agree age has a large part to play in this!

  14. Andrea ThePetiteCook August 16, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    Sooner or later we all happen to be in this kind of situation in life, where we need approval from others. Learning not to give a fuck really changed my perspective and I’m in such a happier place now 🙂 I’m sure your advises will help others too!

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 1:09 pm

      Glad you also know of the feeling!! Hopefully others can too 🙂

  15. Mellissa Williams August 16, 2016 / 1:09 pm

    I totally agree but everyone wants approval from people, so it is easier said than done, but great post

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 1:10 pm

      It definitely is easier said than done, but it can be done I assure you!

  16. fashionandstylepolice August 16, 2016 / 2:51 pm

    What a great post. I try to ignore many things so I don’t stress over them. Loving your tips.

  17. dearmummyblog August 16, 2016 / 3:27 pm

    The older you get the less you care. I think my mummy just realised there was more to life than caring what others thought of her. She’s happier now than she was in her teens and 20’s xx

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 3:59 pm

      There definitely is more to life than what others think you’re right!! I’m glad I’ve come to this realisation at 24 I feel much happier in myself xox

  18. cattitudeandco August 16, 2016 / 5:20 pm

    Hahaha this is the post I needed to read! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 5:24 pm

      Haha I’m glad it resonated with you!! You’re more than welcome xox

    • cheskaaanels August 16, 2016 / 8:02 pm

      Ooo I’m going to have to invest in it!!

  19. TheLondonMum August 16, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    It’s a great way to live, it frees up a lot of stress and anxiety.

  20. Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes August 17, 2016 / 6:53 am

    Great post! I think sometimes we get bogged down with trying to be perfect when realising and embracing your flaws is a much happier place to be.

    • cheskaaanels August 17, 2016 / 7:14 am

      Couldn’t have said it any better! Thats exactly it!

  21. hannahhowell912 August 17, 2016 / 9:47 am

    You have said everything I would have done myself!

  22. Stephanie Merry August 17, 2016 / 3:04 pm

    Great post – I need to do this. I get so stressed and anxious getting caught up in what people think of me, when it really doesn’t matter! Thanks for sharing x

    • cheskaaanels August 17, 2016 / 3:23 pm

      Exactly! I can say its a huge weight off when you finally learn to not care anymore! Xox

  23. Candice Nikeia August 17, 2016 / 11:59 pm

    You nailed it! I needed to read this! I recently was stressing about work and then I realized my stress wasn’t helping the situation – It feels so good to not give a f*ck! lol

    xoxo, Candice
    http://www.candicenikeia.com

    • cheskaaanels August 18, 2016 / 12:02 am

      Needs to be done more regularly for sure! You’ll feel a huge weight lifted! Glad you enjoyed the read xox

  24. Lubka Henry (@lu_christova) August 18, 2016 / 7:12 am

    I also think that getting it easy in many situations is a key. Most people think I’m too chilled and always to calm :))

  25. MELANIE EDJOURIAN August 19, 2016 / 10:16 am

    Lol great post, forget the past it’s over just concentrate on the now x

  26. Rachel September 9, 2016 / 2:33 pm

    Some great tips here! It’s so easy to forget to focus on yourself and move on from what others think!

  27. Stacey September 9, 2016 / 2:52 pm

    Love this ! I really do think it’s important to care more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you!

    • cheskaaanels September 9, 2016 / 3:08 pm

      I agree! You can’t please everyone so be happy being who you are!

  28. flowerpowerlife September 22, 2016 / 7:38 pm

    I struggle with this I as like to keep everyone happy, but just lately I’ve ditched a load of commitments and feel better for it.

    • cheskaaanels September 22, 2016 / 7:42 pm

      It had to be done sometimes! Focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone else and you’ll feel better for it!

  29. hannahhowell912 September 24, 2016 / 2:10 pm

    Loved this post! It’s so important to just focus on yourself and not care about what others think x

  30. Ashley October 17, 2016 / 4:23 pm

    I like everything about this post! I felt like I was reading a story about myself. I was the same way and I’m working on it. I’m almost there and it feels nice not to care!

    • cheskaaanels October 17, 2016 / 4:54 pm

      Ahhh Ashley I’m so glad you can relate and you enjoyed the post! It took a lot to admit it and write the piece but once I started not caring a weight was totally lifted, I feel like I can live life again and just be happy!!!

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