Let me just start by saying that not giving a fuck isn’t going to happen over night! I know because I was one of those people that wanted everyone to like me. I literally wanted everyone not to pass judgement on me until they got to know me, deeply! I wanted validation, attention and to be accepted by everyone and anyone. Realistically thats something thats never (yes, NEVER) going to happen in the real world. The truth is that most if not all people judge. Those critical yet minuscule initial 30 seconds of meeting someone for the first time could be the make or break of that relationship. Anything from one little conflicting view to a joke you find funny can determine if you’ll be accepted or not. My message to you though is to not to give a shit!!!
Acceptance and rejection was a big deal to me. I’d experienced both and I knew I preferred the feeling acceptance gave me over rejection, just like anyone else. I would often try so hard to make friends, I’d try to be really funny or loud or sometimes I’d be really quiet so I wouldn’t have to say or do anything wrong. I’d often get really upset over people getting the wrong impression of me. I’d also very often be consumed with anxiety that had me always second guessing myself and I’d be sat constantly worrying, my mind full of doubts and fear that I wasn’t fun enough or cool enough for people to like me. Imagine having all of that spiralling inside your head when you’re trying to relax! I was so transfixed on it all that I couldn’t have fun and I certainly couldn’t ever clear my mind.
I won’t lie to you, I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to change my thought process it took some work. My husband is and has always been very supportive, he could see how consumed I was. He put up with the troubled, worried and often sad person it had made me. He’d often tell me not to care what others thought of me to which I’d totally refuse to accept because it just wasn’t an option. After more failed friendships I finally started sifting through my thoughts & gained control of them. I began to get a clearer picture of what I was so afraid of, who I really was and where those feelings originated from. Without going into to much information I had experienced what my mind processed as serious rejection on more than one occasion, I therefore assumed it was to do with me; there was something wrong with me and only me. I realised that sort of thought process was really unhealthy and actually not at all true! One of the reasons I started this blog was to encourage myself to stay positive and remain on a happier, healthier path than the crappy negative one I just crossed over from. This blog has had a big part to play in my new found confidence.
I can now accept that not everyone will like me and vise versa, I can’t please everyone & to be honest I don’t want to. Unfortunately there really isn’t much you can do to win the hearts of everyone you meet. Stop worrying and trying so hard. Seriously, STOP!
I no longer have the energy to give too many shits anymore, I care more about what my children think of me than anyone else in the world. I’m a much happier person now and I definitely don’t get quite so anxious either.
Plus its always good to remind yourself that its their loss if they don’t like you anyway! Haha.
Here are 3 simple steps to get you started!
1. Try to find the source of the problem. Think back to times you could have experienced rejection and come to terms with them. Remember not to blame yourself but also accept that what happened is now in the past, you can’t go back in time to change them. It is what it is.
2. Focus on yourself. Figure out what you’re interested in, what you want to work towards and what makes you happy. Focus on keeping a positive mind and prioritise yourself without outside influences.
3. Once you’re more comfortable and confident in yourself you’ll start to care a lot less about what others think. Stay confident, be fierce & remember in a world where you can be anyone you want to be, why not just be yourself?