I hate to say it but having your shit together 100% of the time just isn’t possible!
It feels like I constantly have hundreds of thoughts running through my head, lists of things that need to be done, that sometimes it gets so loud in there and I just can’t keep up. Just keep swimming, I’m pushing myself but I’m growing exhausted, so exhausted to the point that I’m barely keeping my head above the water. Soon the waves will overwhelm and consume me, I’ll drown. When I feel like I’m drowning and the current is pulling me in deeper, I’m brought back to reality with the smiles I see on the faces of my children. I’m surrounded by love, I’m grateful and my heart is full. I’ve got this, I’ll tell myself whilst sporting a brave face. I just need a couple of minutes peace to gather my jumbled thoughts. Close your eyes, take a deep breath – but just like the silence in the night, a complete silence is non-existent.
See really, we’re all drowning! We’re all trying to keep up with the here and now. We are all trying to do so much in such a short space of time. We keep sane by telling ourselves – everyone else does it so why can’t I? But not everyone is built the same! I can only juggle so much before feeling like my chest is getting tighter and lifes grip on me begins to suffocate. I’m left a dead weight, lifeless, whilst fighting to keep it all together. Its okay to feel tired, tired of not being where you want to be, tired of routine, tired of being tired. I’m tired.
The sun blares into the cracks of the blind. To my left, he’s there laying next to me, we hold hands. The door opens and the kids run in – I love you mum. Its in that moment that I love my life a little bit more than I did yesterday. Today is a new day, you’re not drowning anymore!