No matter who you are, where you came from or how many followers you have on social media every girl feels a little bit shit about themselves at least once every single day, even the most talked about celebs! I hate caring so much about the way I look but theres so much pressure on us all to look a certain way its tough not too, sometimes a little overbearing! If its not my makeup free face its my mum tum, my stretch marks, my messy hair or something else I’ve learnt to dislike about myself that gets me down.
See on the outside people assume I’m this really confident person, that I’m really sure about myself and the way that I look, I’m complimented on being a really glamorous mum which is lovely but they couldn’t be any more wrong! I fight with myself every single day over the way I look, I put my makeup on and instantly I feel better, feel more myself but then I notice little things like my nose and how much I hate it, or my peach fuzz facial hair that I need to bleach because naturally its darker than I’d like it to be!
Writing this I can hear how superficial it sounds but its a feeling I can’t seem to shift, so much so that it can effect my mood from time to time and I know I shouldn’t let it! I know I shouldn’t be bothered about the things I can’t change but I am, I feel inadequate sometimes but at other times I’m bursting at the seams with all this girl power and self love talk that I couldn’t care any less about how I look!
My weight has always fluctuated and since having kids its been at its worst. My body is certainly not the same as it once was and for the past 5 years I’ve been trying to learn to love it again. I’ve become really critical and analytical of myself, some days I can’t even bare to look at my body in the mirror, in fact I’d rather avoid it most of the time! I long to be one of those confident girls bossing the self love agenda, teaching everyone how to love themselves for who they are, its important, we really should love the skin we’re in! Realistically though I don’t always love myself, 50% of the time I do but the other 50% of the time I don’t.
I don’t like the skin I’m in –
- When I wake up with no makeup on and puffy eyes
- When I take my clothes off to jump in the shower
- When I’m doing my makeup and notice all of my imperfections, lines and wrinkles
- When I’m sitting down trying to disguise my tummy rolls
- When I accidentally open the front camera on my phone
- When I’m tagged in a really unflattering photo on my socials
- When I compare myself to celebs that clearly alter their bodies
- When I eat bad for you foods or indulge and over eat
- When I look at myself for too long in the mirror
- When I’m on my period and I’m bloated as hell
- When I’m tired and have visible bags under my eyes
- When I haven’t found the time to shave my legs
- When people stare & I start wondering whats wrong with me
The list could probably go on. The thing is I don’t go out of my way to feel the way I do, sometimes I’ll feel fine in these situations, other times I don’t but I know I’m not alone. We all struggle with feeling a little less than adequate sometimes and we can all be a little too hard on ourselves too. I’ve always very much been a ‘its the soul that matters’ kind of girl, I’m much more interested in peoples personalities and who they are than what you seen on the outside, but not when it comes to myself. I’m cruel to myself, I say things to myself that I’d never dream of saying to anyone else which indicates that I should probably stop treating myself that way. I’m on my journey to finding self love, to be in a place where I feel confident in my skin 90% of the time at least. Heres to hoping I’ll get there eventually!