To My Little Darlings, I’m sorry!

To my little darlings,

I’m sorry.

I’ve learnt very quickly that the world we live in isn’t quite as innocent as I remember as a child. Its not difficult to imagine living in a world full of so much hate when you’re already living in it. But you, you can’t comprehend any of it. You don’t understand why someone has so much hate in their soul that they’d kill an innocent bystander, to be perfectly honest neither do I. You don’t understand why the evils of the world are so focused on destroying the lives of others, sometimes even the lives of their own. Or why our governments response to such terror is to react with the same level of atrocity, causing more heartbreak, more pain, more wrong. You’re both too young to understand the goings on of this world, the mass killings, the innocent lives taken, the horror of what just one persons actions can cause.

My precious sons, you both revel in your innocence as children should do, without a care in the world. I see you both, daily, spreading love, spreading kindness, spreading goodness. When I look at your faces, the faces of our future, I see hope. Hope of a life you truly deserve, a life not lived in fear, a life not dominated by evil, a world you’ll one day feel happy bringing your own children into – That has been my failure to you!

I’m sorry, sorry that I couldn’t do a better job at protecting you from the world, from all of its pain, all of its suffering, all of its hate!

I’m sorry that as you grow older you’ll learn the truth about what kind of a world we live in.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that this is not the world you imagined, its nothing like a fairy tale, superheros don’t wait in the darkness to save the day.

I’m sorry that there is no easy way to make this all okay.

I’m sorry that as you grow older and more independent I’ll get on your nerves by ringing your phone over and over again until you pick up, not because of anything you’ve done, but because every moment you’re not in my sight there will be a part of me thats worried about you, your safety, your wellbeing.

I’m sorry that this world couldn’t be a little more innocent, like you.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that there will and have been days I can’t face leaving the house out of fear of what could happen.

I’m sorry that I’m not a great example of bravery.

I’m sorry that this world is a scary place.

I’m sorry!

You hear a police siren and you’re excited ‘its the police mum, they’re so cool’, I hear a police siren and feel an instant panic.

You see the faces of children on the front page of the newspaper ‘who’s that mum? Whats their name?’, I see the innocent victims of a heinous attack who sadly lost their lives.

You feel love, you feel gentleness, you’re kind hearted to all ‘Everyones my best friend’, I feel let down by the world, I feel sadness, I feel desperate.

You are what makes this world beautiful.

You are what gives me hope.

You remind me that there is goodness in the world.

You are the reason I believe that love conquers all.

You are the purest example of what love is.

You are what this world needs more of.

My promises to you –

I promise to always try my best to be an example of love not hate.

I promise to always try my absolute hardest to keep you both safe.

I promise to never take life of love for granted.

I promise to inspire you to be the best version of yourself.

I promise to listen when all you need is someone to talk to.

I promise to love you forever and always.

I promise to never give up on you, on life, or the world.

I promise to never let go of hope!

I love you

xox

64 Comments

  1. Yella Hawk June 5, 2017 / 11:18 am

    This is so powerfully written. I’m sure you’re the best mom, a child could wish for. xxx

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 11:27 am

      You are so sweet and lovely as always!! Thank you xoxox

    • Becca June 5, 2017 / 4:56 pm

      Love this! So powerful.

      • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:27 am

        Thank you!!

  2. hannah June 5, 2017 / 12:33 pm

    This is really well written. You shouldn’t have to apologize as you have nothing to be sorry for. This world is just messed up

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 12:37 pm

      I agree it really is. Thanks for having a read xox

  3. Gareth Torrance June 5, 2017 / 1:17 pm

    This is beautiful… As a parent, I completely understand how you feel… I’ve felt so sorry for my daughter, having to grow up in this world as it is now…. But I take comfort in how everyone has come together…

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 2:02 pm

      Yes the way we are seeing people come together is amazing!

  4. Kim June 5, 2017 / 1:38 pm

    This was amazing! It made me tear up and think of my little innocent one year old! Thank you for writing and I will be sharing for you!

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 2:03 pm

      Awwh thank you so much Kim! Sorry it made you tear up!! Had me going a bit writing it!

  5. Hayley Warren June 5, 2017 / 1:42 pm

    This is such a beautiful post. What’s going on at the moment is so horrible, but at least your sons don’t realise what’s going on and they can stay innocent.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 2:03 pm

      Thank you!!! I know, thats the beauty of innocence xox

  6. Borakkita June 5, 2017 / 2:31 pm

    You have such beautiful kids. Its like a letter you write for them to read later

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 2:35 pm

      Thank you!! Thats exactly it!

  7. Amber June 5, 2017 / 2:46 pm

    Your children are SO beautiful. The best thing you can do for them are all of those promises you listed! You’re a wonderful mom and I’m sure they know it 🙂 Thank you for this post.

    Amber || mylifeinlimbo.com

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 3:18 pm

      Thanks so lovely thank you Amber!! xoxox

  8. Sarah Bailey June 5, 2017 / 3:52 pm

    This is a very powerful post, the world is definitely a scary place to be at the moment, which is such a sad thing.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 4:29 pm

      It really is! I’m glad you enjoyed this though xox

  9. Holly June 5, 2017 / 4:11 pm

    This is so powerful and moving. You’re the best mummy to your boys because you are you! And you always strive for positivity and happiness.

    Lots of love and your boys are gorgeous

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 5, 2017 / 4:30 pm

      You are so beaut Holly thank you!!! I’m really pleased you liked the post, my boys are everything and the world is a scary place atm!

  10. Lynne Harper June 5, 2017 / 5:18 pm

    The world is one that I’m struggling to understand after recent events, we as parents just need to protect and guide our smalls. Beautifully written piece xx

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:27 am

      I couldn’t agree more!! Thank you so much! xox

  11. melissa major June 5, 2017 / 5:29 pm

    This is a very moving and a very powerful post, I understand myself as I am a mum of 3.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:28 am

      Awwwh beautiful!! Its daunting when you think about what this means for our own children!

  12. Cassandra Mayers June 5, 2017 / 6:12 pm

    Such a wonderfully written post. What beautiful promises to 🙂

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:28 am

      Thank you so much!!

  13. Natasha Mairs June 5, 2017 / 6:17 pm

    This is so lovely. I really hate the world we live in today, but we have to try and remember all the other amazing human beings who will do anything to help anyone.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:29 am

      Yes thats absolutely true, would be nice to witness more acts of kindness, I love that everyone comes together in times of trouble!

  14. Rebecca June 5, 2017 / 6:40 pm

    This is so powerful. It is terrifying looking at the world our kids are growing up into

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:29 am

      Indeed it is!

  15. Mel June 5, 2017 / 6:42 pm

    Such a moving letter. I can’t believe how commonplace these events are becoming

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:29 am

      I know its totally heartbreaking!!

  16. Donna June 5, 2017 / 6:48 pm

    I hear ya!!! I feel exactly the same, you have voiced my thoughts entirely and very beautifully x

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:30 am

      Thank you so much! I’m actually pretty glad it isn’t just me with these worries!

  17. Ashleigh June 5, 2017 / 7:06 pm

    Such a meaningful and heart-warming post. I feel awful that kids are having to witness hate on our TV screens. It was never this bad when we was growing up 🙁 Your kids are such cuties by the way. xx

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:30 am

      Thank you so much!! They are pretty awesome kids!

  18. MELANIE EDJOURIAN June 5, 2017 / 9:33 pm

    Wow, you did a great job on this post, I cried. I really think you have hit the nail on the head with what many of us mums are feeling.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:31 am

      Awwwh Melanie!! Thank you, I just wrote down everything I was feeling, I felt very compelled!

  19. Mummy Times Two June 5, 2017 / 9:34 pm

    A beautiful letter. I can relate to this all too well. We really are living in frightening times right now.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:31 am

      That we are! Its a cruel world!

  20. Ana De- Jesus June 6, 2017 / 12:29 am

    This is so beautifully written, it is scary to think of what kind of world we are living in where innocents, even little kids as young as eight years old are killed in the name of terror. It really is awful :/

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:32 am

      Exactly it definitely isn’t right, its never okay for it to happen anywhere in the world!

  21. Sarah @wonderlandblogs June 6, 2017 / 1:17 am

    Oh Fran, this is so beautiful. I want to give you the biggest hug. Your little ones are so lucky to have you, you’re such an amazing mum.

    Sarah | sarahinwonderland.co.uk <3

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:33 am

      Awwwh Sarah don’t do that to me, making me tear up!! You are so lovely, thank you for giving this a read! The boys are my world they deserve more than this world has to offer right now!

  22. Tara June 6, 2017 / 5:01 am

    I’ve got goosebumps. My kids are a bit older now, but I share your fear and feeling of protectiveness xxx

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 9:34 am

      Yeah I don’t think it’ll get any easier for me as they get older, in fact I’m sure I’m going to worry more and more and that I do not look forward to, I just want to protect them forever!

  23. Joanna June 6, 2017 / 11:28 am

    It’s not our fault that the world is messed up. It’s not our fault that we live in times of war, where nothing is sure anymore. And you are right, we grew up in peace but if we think about it, not long before we were born the world was at war…. It’s a cycle that we can’t control… we can just learn to appreciate every moment, not knowing what tomorrow brings.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 2:41 pm

      yeah we have to appreciate it all and not take any of it for granted, still hard when terrible things happen sadly!

  24. Jessica & James June 6, 2017 / 2:50 pm

    There are not enough words to express to you how beautiful this was. So painful but so true. You’re an amazing mother, person and friend, they must be so proud to have a mother like you! Beautiful. Much love!

    Jessica & James | foodandbaker.co.uk

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 6, 2017 / 3:38 pm

      You are so lovely!!! Thanks Jessica and James I really appreciate your kind words as usual!! I try my best, I hope its enough! Love you guys xoxox

  25. Deborah Nicholas June 6, 2017 / 4:35 pm

    So beautiful and its totally heartbreaking even trying to explain it isnt it!

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:48 am

      It is!!!

  26. nicol June 6, 2017 / 6:31 pm

    absolutely beautiful to read. your promises have actually made me cry! your sons are absolutely beautiful

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:48 am

      Awwwh Nicol thats so lovely thank you!!!

  27. Louise June 6, 2017 / 9:40 pm

    These are all such great promises. And ones that I make to my own children. I also pray for world peace every single day. But in all honestly, I think it’s a lost cause. There has always been evil in this world, and I can’t see that changing any time soon 🙁

    Louise x

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:49 am

      Thats how I feel also!

  28. Jenni June 6, 2017 / 10:52 pm

    Beautifully written. I’m terrified of what our children will see in the future. It’s a very scary world we live in x

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:50 am

      It really is!! I feel terrible that ine day that will be their burden too!

  29. Tanya Brannan June 7, 2017 / 1:22 pm

    Such a powerful and beautiful post. I hate what this world is becoming and fear for my children even though they are 20 and p0tentially having children of their own in the following years. It’s frightening

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:50 am

      Indeed it is!! We can only hope for a brighter more stable future!

  30. Jess June 7, 2017 / 3:22 pm

    Beautifully written, I feel so protective over our young ones now even though I don’t have kids of my own. What happened in Manchester was a direct attack on young womenhood in particular. Unfortunately I know someone who got caught up in London with their little daughter. They are both safe and well but I worry that our youngsters are going to grow up worrying about such things happening again.

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:52 am

      Oh no thats awful!! I hope they are doing well! Tbe attacks have been disgusting I never want that to be a worry for anyone especially children!

  31. Surbhi June 7, 2017 / 3:53 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful. What a sweet tribute 🙂

    • francescaferrarinelson@yahoo.co.uk June 8, 2017 / 11:52 am

      Thank you so much!

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