All my life I’ve been a real girly girl except for that time when I reached the awkward age of around 7-8 and decided that I was suddenly interested in football and swore that I hated all things pink, its like a right of passage, doesn’t every girl go through that at some stage? Anyway, my tomboy days were brief, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t like pink anymore and suddenly all my glittery pink things were back again. See for as long as I can remember I’ve always been obsessed with makeup, hair and beauty, you’d catch me not only cutting my barbies hair but my own too! I’d sit transfixed watching my mum and my older sister do their own makeup, much to their annoyance, but I was fascinated, I knew once I was old enough to wear makeup (which wouldn’t be till I was a teen) I’d be in my element!
I’ve come a long way since I first started wearing makeup, when my mum died I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to wear it and my older sister and I didn’t have the nice relationship we do now with each other, so learning how to use makeup has been something I’ve taught myself over the years. As silly as it may sound to some, makeup is like an art form to me, It allows me to be really free and creative. I’ve always been more of a creative person than an academic one. When it came to art, performing arts, dancing, textiles, I always excelled in those areas but watch me in a math class and you’d see the life being sucked out of me as I struggled to understand how X = 125.
I’ve always wanted to take makeup further, for a while I thought about doing a makeup and prosthetics course that could kick start my career but courses aren’t exactly affordable. Youtube has been a huge part of my makeup journey, I’d sit watching tutorials for hours and practise on myself over and over, I still love watching a good tutorial now! Another part of my obsession with makeup came from being bullied throughout different parts of my childhood, I’d constantly be compared to my daintier, prettier friends, made to feel inadequate and was taunted over my bush like brows (which I now tame to perfection). Those occurrences lowered my self esteem what with being a teenage girl – Having boys say hurtful things damaged the way I saw myself, suddenly what I thought was normal ie. my hairy arms, weren’t normal for everyone and I was made to feel weird and ‘ugly’ about them, and there were many more of these occasions! Doing my makeup, perfecting my brows, it all makes me feel good about myself and fulfills the interest and desire I’ve always had for it!
Day to day I use makeup to enhance and highlight my features. I fill in my brows so they look fuller because my natural brows are patchy as hell from all the frantic over plucking I did growing up. I apply mascara and have LVL lash treatments so I can have longer looking lashes because personally I prefer my eyes that way. I slightly bronze parts of my skin because I’ve often heard that I look unwell when I’m not wearing any. I sometimes like to add a pop of colour to my lips because it makes me feel confident and changes things up a bit. When I wear makeup I’m doing it for me! I’m allowing myself to feel a lot more confident than I did when I was makeup free by matching up to my own beauty ideals. The common misconception I face when wearing makeup is that I must be doing it for someone else, I must be trying to impress other people and their beauty standards but it’s not about them! The beauty of makeup is that you can use it in so many different ways pleasing to your own style, your own preference, its a form of expression as well as just a beauty tool and for me its also a feel good thing!
I can admit that I don’t go out of the house without wearing makeup, why? Because I don’t feel as happy in my bare skin as I do when I’m wearing makeup. People can tell me I look great without wearing makeup but what other people think doesn’t change how I feel about myself, so I put that makeup on and allow myself to feel great again!
Most days when I’m at home with no plans and no prospect of seeing another human I’ll still wear makeup. I like to walk past my reflection and like what I see staring back at me. When I make no effort and I’m makeup free I don’t feel that way, I don’t feel happy or positive and mentally thats something I battle with. I’m very open about the struggles I have with my self esteem and the way I perceive myself, I’m not ashamed of it, its something I live with. When I’m not wearing makeup I feel as though it draws more attention to me in public and I’m not one to like the spot light when I’m out and about. My anxiety really kicks in at times like these and I feel like people are staring at me, pointing and whispering, but when my makeup is on I just feel like a normal person able to go about my day.
I’m getting better at learning to love my makeup free face, but my love of makeup goes beyond whats on the surface, I’ll still be wearing it when I’m old and grey!