Okay so being a mum isn’t always a walk in the park. Actually its quite similar to attempting to climb the biggest, rockiest mountain there is and constantly feeling like you’re nearly at the top only to fall 100 feet back down! I’m in my mid 20’s and for me the journey to fit into motherhood had been a tough one to say the least. I always imagined when I’d become a mum I’d roll with the coolest mums in town, always meeting up for coffee and play dates. I’d have a group of women around me that totally understood why I look a wreck some days and why on others I’d rather hide from the world. Instead my encounters with other mums haven’t been as successful as I’d imagined! Who knew other mums could be so unwelcoming and judge-y? Its not until you become a mum that you realise its like being back at school, you know the film mean girls? Thats exactly what its like, cliquey as hell! The mummy world has certainly taught me a lot, here are my top 5 things mums should never say to other mums (well along the lines of)!
1. Oh count your blessings you might have 2 kids but its not as hard as having 4 like me!
These people are what I like to call toppers! They thrive off of trumping others in ways to make them feel a little more victorious. Toppers tend to act like they know it all and because they feel like they have a rougher time of it than anyone else they need to express that at every given opportunity. Basically don’t have a conversation with a topper because you’ll feel like shooting someone after!
2. Ooo look at me, I can fit back into my pre pregnancy size jeans only a week after labour!
Oh great good for you, thank you for rubbing my face in your ever chiselled abs! You can clearly see my love handles drapping over the sides of my leggings (because I’m still too plump to fit into any type of jeans)! I might look as if I’m smiling and praising you like the goddess you think you are but inside I’m gritting my teeth wondering what your intentions are. Its as if you’re trying to remind me that I immediately need to get myself signed up to a gym, its not a bloody competiton!
3. Are you breastfeeding then? Ooo and co sleeping you should definitely do that! Who leaves a baby to sleep on their own!?
Don’t make your own grave before the friendship has even started!! Me, I leave my baby to sleep on his own and no I’m not a monster for it! I’ve had him clung to my side all day you’d think I’d be allowed to do something as simple as sleeping on my own! As for Breastfeeding just don’t ask. When I wack out my boob or a bottle you’ll have the answer you’re so desperately waiting for! I don’t need you expressing your thoughts on the ‘right way’ to parent when I’m trying to enjoy a cup of hot coffee, unless ofcourse you want me to accidently trip up and spill that coffee on one unexpecting, opinionated mother?
4. I can do all this, this and ALL this in one day with minimal sleep, don’t worry maybe you’ll get there one day!
I really haven’t the time for your constant bragging! Well done you’re a supermum who can accomplish everything and anything in one day and I can just about muster going to the shops with two kids, but maybe one day I’ll be more like you… At this point I’m trying not to roll my eyes at you, whats actually getting me through the torture of having a conversation with you is thinking about wanting to burn a hole through your soul with my death stare!
5. Are you sure you don’t have post natal depression?
No I don’t have fucking post natal depression and why do you suddenly think you’re a health professional? PND is a serious condition that may I point out, should never be diagnosed by anyone but a doctor! I’m feeling a little stressed out adjusting to all the new changes that come with having a new baby, plus I’m on minimal sleep so if my mood seems a bit off give me a break!! Is there a condition for prying, know it all, self entitled mums like yourself?
Disclaimer – None of the above situations have ever resulted in violence nor would I recommend it… Yet!
This is a lighthearted, sarcastic post! If you’re one of those people that thinks ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ or you simply can’t see the light hearted side to my post you know where to go!